drive me

This weekend was one to start my friends. I actually hung out with cool people, got stoned had an awesome time and was the life of the party once AGAIN :)
This used to be an every weekend ritual and it was excellent and awesome for at least 2-3 years of just partying and living it up to my friends.
Recently in the past year or so I've admittedly grown up a little bit and lost my drive to drink considering my parents are alcoholics and I want nothing to do with their disgusting habits or morals of how things are "right". I'll say one thing though they raised me to be just what everyone likes, I'm social and fun to be around at least from what I've heard and I'm glad to be that person and I'm glad to have that kind of attention from PEOPLE! I like being with friends and making people laugh and have this certain kind of drive towards people and how they want to party and how they want to hang out. I like being able to get along with just about pretty much anybody it's times like these that I love being me and I love being the type of person I am. Of course I have my flaws and I'm not leaving those out at all but it's nice to be appreciated in some way shape or form especially from people who I love and have always wanted to be apart of.

SOUP-PRIZE POPSICLE STICK HOUSE

So my boyfriends birthday is tomorrow. I know what your thinking... "another teenager posting blogs about her boyfriends birthday omg LAME" but that's not necessarily what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to consider the following....

Are presents better when their bought or made from the heart??

Now usually I give my boyfriend and loved ones paintings or drawings made by yours truly. Like recently I made my mom a Popsicle stick house for her birthday and she really really liked it =D

And on father's day I made my dad a painting on really fuckin' expensive ass canvas with a charcoal skull on it. In the past I've always made things for presents and usually get a good reaction to them but what I want to know is what people prefer?

This year I've decided to actually buy my boyfriend something for his birthday and have collected about 57 dollars to do so. I've decided to buy him a piece (or a pipe whatever you want to call it) simply because I know he'll use it with a 20 sack included and I also done 2 pieces of artwork for him well 3 so hopefully he'll be impressed this year :) but for the most part I've been wondering. You can't really use art work. You can look at it , hang it around your house and show people "ya, this what my girlfriend got me for my 18th birthday.... okay moving on" and basically that's all you can do with it. I know if someone gave me a piece of artwork I would want more not that I'm greedy but I would want something I could use or something I could wear. Every once in a while for me anyways it's nice to have something just for show but for the most part in only "some" ways I'm a material girl (LAME but it's true with everyone) 

Would you rather have a brand new cell phone ... or a popsicle stick house?

ART

In high school it's almost impossible to define yourself as an artist. I should know so since I've never been taken seriously as an artist myself. A friend of mine Tyler Lovell was unfortunately killed a few days ago sometime last weekend in a car crash on the way back from a car accident. Now I didn't know him as well as I would have liked to but I do know this. He considered a broad variety of anything art. In fact his own art was strange and some of his pieces looked like a five year old drew them but a select few looked like a real paid famous artist had done them. His out look on life was something to be admired for sure along with his lifestyle and ways of living. He was extremely smart and logical. He is something to remember. I thought a lot about him today in my own art class and how lives can be taken for granted. One second someone is talking shit about you and the next second  you could be dead. I wondered how my school's reaction would be if I where to die. Would my death be publicized on facebook? Would people I hardly knew try to become my best friends? Would people regret not hanging out with me as much or regret not listening to me when I reached out to them open arms, heart split, spilling, dripping, waiting for some one or something to notice how I feel or how I am? Would people remember me for my art? Would I become famous for what I did? Would anybody flat out care? I know my boyfriend would and my family would but I don't know so much about my "friends" I don't know so much about how or if they would even react. So far I've discovered that life is like art. it can be dirty, neat, copied, influenced, natural, forced, detailed, simple it could be anything YOU make it. But starting over with a new stretch of canvas or a small piece of paper or a new page in your sketch book is what's liberating and could define who you are and what your style is, it could be whatever you want and every person who sees it could think whatever they know about it but they'll never understand until they know you personally inside and out, what you feel, how you where brought up, what's going on. They will never know how you are until they know you.

[tuesday, november 15th]

shot

It's been a while but on an honest note I don't plan on writing every day. Not that I'm not a devoted writer [which I'm not] or anything it just has to do with the fact that I'm a teenage girl and a lot of shit goes on. More than adults might remember. Last night my boyfriend and I where on the verge of breaking up. Now I know this would be something he'd be extremely pissed about me telling blogger.com but I can't necessarily talk to my friends about it and my family couldn't even inch towards understanding. Now I'm not going to bitch and moan about or fight or even say completely what it was about. But I will admit that in this particular fight and along with other fights we've partaken in I was wrong to have done what I did. Now I didn't cheat or anything like that but what I did do was take him for granted. He's honestly a top of line boyfriend, any girl my age would wet their panties if they knew about all the awesome things he does and says for me. My reason for bringing this up is because I'd like to question upon one thing.
WHY DOES LOVE GET LAZY?
now I'm not criticizing anyone because I'm the one at fault here for doing it. It's not like I love him any less. I mean he means the world to me whether you take it as puppy teenage love or something serious I take it as I never have thought of leaving him and we've been together a little more than a year. I've never wanted to even imagine seeing him go and I'll cry at the thought or even a small threat of that happening. BUT what I really want to bring to the question is why? Do people get tired of other people even when they love them the same as they did the first week they where together? Are people still infatuated with each other after years and years of being together? Is there such thing as a perfect relationship? I know people fight in fact my parents have never even been married or have been together for more than 4-5 years and they still fight while I'm 17 they still disagree with each other and they don't even live together but they still long for each others love they still wish they where together but they can't be because there's so many problems with how my dad lives his life and there's so many issues with how my mom perceives some things well anything but why couldn't they work it out? 
WHY CAN'T RELATIONSHIPS WORK OUT?
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO LAZY WITH LOVE?
I can understand how some relationships can't work out, how differences get in the way. But what about the people who still love each other but are just not willing enough to work it out? WORK IT OUT WORK IT OUT WORK IT OUT .. :) sorry. But how can the thought and heart be there but the actions can't conclude in a solution. Now I'm really friggen trying here with my boyfriend to be a more loving girlfriend, ya know? cause he really deserves it and if anything I don't deserve to even be with this kid. But in the long run we do love each other, and I'm already making some progress I just can't forget that I love him, I'll do anything for him and I'll see to being with him for years in years to come. I guess the only reason I got lazy is because I honestly thought we would just get married no matter what. But as teenagers he's not obligated to stay in this relationship (neither am I but I WANT TO BE) he's not obligated to be sweet to me or to be nice to me every day. But he does because he loves me and I fell behind on that. I need to shape up. Because when he shot me down with this realization that he could leave it was like really getting shot down with a gun with a life gun that was held by someone who with holds my heart and every little piece of knowledge that my life contains. I just hope, that I don't get lazy anymore. I don't want to be shot again.
[11.3.11]

first +-

Today in Lakewood, Colorado we've been fucked. It's literally been snowing all day for the first time this school year. Of course twigs still are wearing skirts and shorts to look "cute" everyone else is bundled up with their thickest skate shoes on with pea-coats and hoodies. Talk of snowboarding as soon as school ends whistles the hallways. I snowboard but I don't glorify it as much as some kids do, they treat it like it's some kind of drug. it's a good time but it's not that great. go jump a bridge on that neversummer and we'll see how gnarly the slopes are then. (i have a neversummer board & longboard and it also happens to be pretty gnarly btw :)
anyways. my reason for starting this blog is simply because 
I'm bored
my boyfriend recently moved to B.F.E, Colorado [we're still going strong so it's not too bad & I see him every couple of weekends or so]
my friends, on an honest note - are slackers and do whatever the fuck they want but lately they've been kind of drifting [like they don't even know i exist] ... so I need someone to talk to.  So here's to the first (wine glass clinks) 
here's to the loneliest 
[10.26.11]